Punsters of the Year

PUNSTER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Since their first Chicago convention in 1988, the International Save the Pun Foundation (I.S.T.P.F.) has annually honored a worthy member of the world of wordplay by crowning a Punster of the Year (P.O.T.Y.) Being installed on the hot seat for 2006 is another of our own Pun-Off veterans, Joel McColl. After surviving 20 years as host/emcee of this event Joel figured he had a few laurels upon which he might rest, but could not resist the invitation to be throne back into the fray. At a lively dinner banquet held on the eve of this year's competition, Joel was royally roasted and seated upon the coveted POTY chair. Surely he was flushed with pride. Punster of the Year (P.O.T.Y.) for 2006 A roast by Alan B. Combs, on the occasion of Joel McColl being selected for the POTY. Joel McColl just retired from being the MC for the annual PunOff, after a couple of decades of service. I have had little interaction with Joel -- but, I know he's a musician, he sells Hondas, and he is a genuinely smart and nice guy. This makes it hard to roast him with any sincerity or any authority, but, as is the case with the bull elephant in the rutting season, we Early on, Joel went to work with the Gideons -- handing out comic books. They fired him because he was on the wrong tract. Later, Joel tried to get a job as a spokesman for the La Leche League, but he just couldn't express himself properly. The world is changing so fast, and it's so hard to keep up. Don Imus has taught us that when we are tired, we really don't want to take a knapp. And poor Santa. He has to be careful with his, "Ho, ho, ho!" A brightly colored bug floating on a great big dollop of saliva? Could we call him phlegm-boyant. In as phlegmish (thanks to Jim Ryan for this one). As many people know, I am a Mac Computer enthusiast. Apple computer makes the iPod, the iMac, iTunes, the iPhone, and the iTV. They have been very careful to not make any of their products ugly -- there are no iSores at Apple. Apple has been in the forefront of teaching us what we need before we knew we need it. I want you to know they've just done it again. They have created a tiny, capsular MP3 player intended to be used as It costs between $200 to $700 dollars -- depending on the size. What do they call it? They call it the iBoob, of course. Apple Marketing feels women will love it. They are sick and tired of men just staring at their breasts and not listening to them (this one has been bouncing around the internet, so to speak). I thank Joel for all the service he has given to the O. Henry Museum and the cause of punning through all these years. We wish him the best, and all contestants express the sincere wish that he not start competing in the PunOff, himself, again.

Cynthia MacGregor - P.O.T.Y. 2005 "Why am I Punster of the Ear?" asked Cynthia MacGregor when told she was being honored. We think she should treat her ears to some furniture polish the one that promises to take care of waxy buildup. The wages of Cyn may be low, but her enthusiasm runs high and so does her punnery. Ask her long-suffering friends, who have to listen to her spout a plethora of paranomasia on frequent occasions. (Frequent is what the pregnant mom got when she delivered five babies but was charged for only four of them.) Cyn is a regular attendee at the Pun-Off, flying in from Florida to take part in the fun. She is PUNY's Loopmistress�fittingly enough, since Cyn has often been accused of being loopy�running the weekly Loop wordgames for several years now. And she is the creator of Sockrates, who shared the stage with Cyn her first year at the Pun-Off. ("One good thing about working with a sock puppet," Cyn says: "He'll never step on my lines.") Though she's no dog star, Cyn can occasionally get Sirius like when she's talking about her 52 published books. (More are forthcoming.) Want to know more? Visit her Website at

I am a firm believer that when you set out to do a roast, it should never be half-baked. When I heard that we were going to roast the P.O.T.Y., I thought..."MMM pot roast?" There's a lot at steak here, unless we were to burn him at the stake, then there'd be lots of spittin' images... Hey, how else can I expectorate with you guys? I was asked if I wanted to participate in a roast of Norman Gilbert? Well, just like a native American rain dancer, you know I'll jump at the chants, without any reservation. Or perhaps I should have said I felt like a suicidal cockroach, eager to get ground in on the floor. Norm is one of my idols, and you know what they say about idol minds. So here I am to offer the opening volley, sort of a volley of the idols. Any candidate who hopes to receive an honor such as Punster Of The Year, must lay open his own life like a book. Sometimes this book is a fine couth tome, and sometimes it reads like a sleazy novel. Now I consider myself a novel lover, but that's another story. If O.Henry had written it, it would be a short story, no such luck tonight. I'm sure we'll have some twisted ends, but by no means will the stories be short. I'm here tonight to blow the lid off the private live and history of our bored chairman, Mr. Gilbert. Not really knowing all that much about his personal history or his private life, I was forced to do some quick research in order to prepare. Okay, I Googled him. Wouldn't you? It's amazing the type of erroneous information you can dig up on someone if you don't look too closely. My usually unreliable sources tell me that Norm tried to join the naval air force, but when he attempted to force air out his navel, it sort of backfired on him. I believe he actually spent his early years in the merchant marines and...uh... Let me amend that. It says he was an overseer, - uh, does that mean submariners are under-seers? Anyhow, he must have loved to sail, because the actual quote I read was that Norm once said to his mom, "I have half a notion to sail around the world." Well, as we all know it takes more than half an ocean to do that. Somehow though, he just never could seem to get his ships together and everything he tried seemed a little dinghy after that. What a lifebuoy! Norm was determined to explore the world though, so he signed on as a crew member on a merchant ship hauling fine French wine and snails. A big storm came along most escargot washed over Bordeau. Fortunately when the boat arrived in France he still had the port left and they only docked his pay. The captain told him to dis-a-pier. So he insulted a guy named Pierre and told the frog he looked a tadpole. Well of course he got the crap beaten out of him. "Imagine DeGaulle of this guy," Norm thought. "With French like that, who need enemas?" Norm traveled into Paris because he was really itching to take in some Paris sights. By the time he arrived, he was literally "all lice!" Well, he must have gotten an Eiffel quickly, because the taxi driver just about drove him in Seine. He quickly realized that many of the resident of this city were suffering from vision problems. He decided to open a chain of one-hour optometry shops. He thought he might eventually be able to get a French eyes but it didn't work out. Later Norm studied medicine and became a veterinarian at a mink farm. That seemed promising until he discovered the owner was a real weasel and the customers began to wear his patients. Determined to continue his work with exotic animals, he took a job at Disneyland as a staff doctor. (Treating staff infections, I guess) True, it was a Mickey Mouse operation and some of his friends teased him about being a quack doctor, but it paid the bills. He knew this job would eventually Peter out or Pan out. Unfortunately he had to quit because he didn't like feeling Goofy. Well, Norm went through several quick career changes after that. He invested in pet store that hosted poetry slams in the evenings. It was called "Pair-o-Keats." they soon shut down because of a budgie deficit. He worked for a while in a combination liquor store/fish market called "Proof of Perches." He speculated in goose futures but lost a fortune in a down market. He invested in the perfume business because he thought it made scents. Which it did, until the odors fell off. It wasn't his fault, lord nose. Olfactory orders were down that year. He thought for a while that he was going to make a big splash in the toilet paper business but he really wasn't willing two-ply himself. As a result his fine asses were de-pleated and he was nearly wiped out. Like many men his age, he decided he'd like to get into ladies underwear. (No, not that way.) He approached the Playtex foundation with some specialty designs for certain niche markets. He designed an undergarment for mathematical mermaids called the "Algae-bra." he made one for witches called the "Abra-ca-da-bra," and he also designed some holy pantyhose for catholic sisters called "No-nun-sense." After failing in so many pursuits, Norm finally decided to turn to God. Despite the scandalous reputations of many in the ministry, Norm knew that clergymen really do more than lay people, so at an age when many of us are pastor prime, he studied religion. I guess you might say he followed his altar ego. He thought perhaps he could earn more money as a psychic televangelist but he wasn't able to find anyone willing to fund a mentalist preacher. Norm has always been handy with his organ, so he thought he might become a choir director for the catholic sisters, but they wanted nun of hymn. Finally he settled for a missionary position and went to work proselytizing proselytutes somewhere below the bible belt. As you might have guessed, Norm does have a way with women, but he weighs considerably less when he steps on the scale alone. He once fell in love with a farmer's daughter. All the cow manure but he still couldn't seem to a tractor, let alone fertilizer. Still he liked to work with herbicide him so he was pretty broken up when she sent him that John Deere letter. After that he fell for a beautiful seismologist. He thought she was going to be the lava his life, but she was proved faults to him. Her sister, however, was an archeologist. They carbon dated for a while. Probably Norm's saddest affair was with the daughter of a mortician. He really dug her, so he proposed. He figured, "the morgue the marrier." their wedding date was just around the coroner but of corpse her father had grave objections. Eventually their plans went autopsy turvy and their plot was soiled. It was then that Norm knew he never cadaver! Well, there's the sordid, whimsical and almost totally apocryphal story of Norm Gilbert, your 2004 punster of the year. I've known this fellow for nearly 15 years and I'm still baffled about so many aspects of his personality. Such as does he really have one? Is it contagious? And most of all, why the Hell does he live in Canada? Perhaps the next chef on our roasting menu can offer a little enlightenment. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the most recently outgoing Punster Of The Year, a man of great mirth, girth and readily estimable talent, Alan Combs... Last night at the Pre-Pun-Off party, I had the honor of presenting the 2004 "Punster of the Year" (POTY). Before the presentation, Gary Hallock, Alan B. Combs, and Cynthia MacGregor spoke about Norm. Heere is what Alan had to say: Thoughts about Norman Gilbert I am really glad to be here and take a break from my other life. Especially, I am glad to be here with punsters who socialize and really enjoy each other, in this, our mutual abberation society. I am honored to meet Norm Gilbert. Other than interactions related to punpunpun.com, I really have not met him before. I thank him for his work on the Pundit, and I do especially like the on-line Norm is a financial advisor in Toronto, but like so many of us, his real life is found in perpetrating word massacres. For example: Once upun a time on a fork in the river Rhine there was a love triangle involving a handsome young shepherd, a beautiful princess Our hero was herd to say to his loved one, "I love you." When she asked, "How much?" he replied, "All of you." This was over-herd by the sheep (the obtuse side of the triangle) who became so sick with jealousy that her wool turned green and the boy cried, "Olive ewe!" So, there are three hearts in this fable: The one that Cupid shot his arrow through, the one on the sleeve of the sheep, and . . . one's up on a tine on the Rhine. And Norm told us, "Dancing cheek to cheek is a type of floor play." And the professor's discouraging remark to his student, "Thesis And Norm told us about the transvestite letter carrier who was It could have been Norman Gilbert who told us the story of the wooden boy, Pinocchio. Instead of being on the Rhine in Germany, this boy grew up in a little town in Virginia where the main crop was As a pharmacist, I would predict this lad would not need any Viagra -- he already had a woody. Now, this was a lad destined for trouble, having the curse that his nose grew longer when he lied. He tried to join the mafia, but they wouldn't let him. Because of his enlarged nose, this group was afraid they might become known There are two other unfortunate characteristics you should know 1. Pinocchio was a snoopy, nosy character who was constitutionally unable to mind his own business. 2. Next, he hated tobacco. In this Virginia town whose total existence depended on tobacco, tobacco abolitionists were So, Pinocchio was an overly snoopy character who shunned tobacco. It is no wonder he got into trouble with his "nose-poking Now, I should tell you some of Norm's imaginary history: While he was in college, Norman tried to put himself through school working at a strip club for English majors. The trouble was, he didn't look any good in a dipthong. While he was at school, he met Sherlock Holmes and asked him, "What is the favorite flower of inorganic chemists?" The answer was, "Elementary, Dear Norman, germaniums." These particular flowers were especially the favorites of his sex-changed sibling, his trans-sister. He met a young lady that wanted to get married and have lots of children, but he declined for reasons that are not readily apparent. He considered becoming a gynecologist for Anna Nicole Smith, but he found he didn't like obestity. One of the folk arts in Norman's town of Toronto is the construction of hand-sewn bed covers. This activity is so wide- spread and so encouraged, that those who are non-participants suffer Punster of The Year. If you haven't looked at it, Google "Tarzan's Tripes Forever". It's a labor of love, or a love of labor, one or I think the Foundation has made an excellent choice in Norman Gilbert, and I thank him for coming down to be with us this year. Cynthia Mac Gregor on Norm Gilbert His name is Norm, but there's nothing normal about Norm Gilbert, punster extraordinaire. Extra ordin aire? Does that mean when you order extra puns from him, you can get extra air? Surely Norm's not putting on airs he's just normal which I believe is 98.6. Or ninety- eight point sex. If he wants to point to sex, that's his hang-up, not mine. Though a mine is a terrible thing to waste. But we're not talking about Norm's waist. That would be a waist of time. And thyme, as we all know, is a very pungent herb. Well, Norm is a punny gent, though his name definitely is not Herb. His last name is Gibert. Gill � butt. Or, in other words, there's something fishy here - you don't know your breathing apparatus from your ass. But Norm's contributions to the world of punditry are ass-tronomical. Now, we all know what astronomical means. It derives from the term "astronomy," which is a meat similar to corned beef. But nobody can beef about Norm's contributions to our world of pun-ishment. He has a Website that's outasight. It's called punpunpun. That's just in case you didn't get the message the first time. He hits you over the head with it. PUN. PUN. PUN. He's really angry that you didn't get the message. Hot cross puns. The site�and it's quite a site to behold--is pun-laden, folks. And pun-laden is just as dangerous as Osama bin Laden. Osama, can you see, by the But Norm isn't travelling light�donzerly or otherwise. He's packed a heavy load�the mother lode�of puns into his Website, and his Website is outtasight. Outtasight is something like outer space, and Norm is definitely a spacey dude. He dude a lot of punning in the course of his lifetime, much of it on his Website, in the Pundit. And Pundit is an appropriate title�whatever word Norman has met in his lifetime, he has punned it. Norman's friends have to put up with his relentless punning, and the fact that he has any friends left is either a tribute to what a great guy he is or the fact that his friends are desperate for people to socialize with. Norm's puns come out in torrents, which is a town in California. California got its name from the fact that so many fornia people�you know people from other countries�live there. But I digress. Although I don't know why anyone would want to dye gress. Its natural shade of green looks perfectly lovely. But we were talking about Norm, who really isn't normal. Is any punster? His puns are a barrage, and he parks his car in the barrage whenever it's not in the driveway. (How much does a drive weigh, anyhow?) Actually, driveway is what Norm does he tells so many puns But we're a band of inveterate punsters. Inveterate, of course, refers to animals without spines. History has many famous cases of spine Mata Hari was very well known for spyin'. Mata Hari was a cousin of Mata Dor but that's a lot of bull! Bulls love to lie down in freshly made beds. That's the origin of the phrase "bull sheet." But you'd better sheet any preconceived notions you have about who's the punniest of all. Tonight we salute Norm Gilbert as the king of puns. Hail, Norm. Which is not the same thing as "Go to hell, Norm." But we wish you not hell but health. And happiness and well being. Which is not the same as lima bean. But I'm not lima. I'm telling the truth. Tonight we salute Norm Gilbert or Gill butt. And there's no buts about it. But I'm about to bid you adieu or as Willy Shakespeare said, "Much ado about mutton." That motto about mutton ought to be lamb-inated. And I feel pretty sheepish offering such puns. But our honoree is no sheep date. In fact, he rammed his way into our punsters' group with puns that are As I said a minute ago, Hail, Norm Gilbert. We salute you.

ALAN COMBS Punster of the Year 2003 Each spring for the past 16 years the ISTPF has recognized one single person (some of whom are married) for his/her contributions to the encouragement, propagation and fostering of wit and wordplay in our society. Often this annual POTY award winner is throne for a loop, bowled over and eventually flushed with pride to be identified as "number one." Honored this year for his enormous body of...uh...tremendous volume...er...many feets of prodigious punditry is Austin's own Alan Combs. Alan is what we like to call a propagator of puns, a gardener of sorts. Like many manure in this business, he's spread himself quite thin but ever so wide. His voracious husbandry of shaggy dogs and groaners alone could easily qualify him as one of the chief perpetuators of this eclectic art form, but Alan doesn't stop there. As a gift to punsters everywhere, he's built an incredible web presents to share his wealth. Looking for an old groaner you heard years ago? He's got it there. Looking for a place to paper train your fresh new shaggy puppy? Send it to Alan for a new leash on life. Visit his website at

Gary Roma Filmmaker & Comedian Gary performs his unique brand of pun-filled standup comedy at association conferences, universities, and libraries nationwide. His routine features the story of Gary making a film based upon his favorite book—The Dictionary: A word travels back in time to try to prevent another word from coming into usage in the future. Arnold Schwarzenegger is The Terminologist. He was a judge and entertainer at the 24th Annual O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships in Austin, Texas. Puss in Books: Adventures of the Library Cat has been screened at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC as well as having an extended run at the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston. It has been screened at a dozen film and video festivals. It won the Best Documentary Award at the United States 8mm Film and Video Festival as well as the Brooklyn Film Festival. Puss in Books has been featured on Fox News Channel's nationally broadcast Pet News. His first film, Off the Ground & Off the Wall: A Doorstop Documentary, won numerous awards; was screened at over two dozen film festivals in the United States, Canada, and England; and was broadcast nationally on Bravo and the Independent Film Channel. It won the Best Documentary Award at the IAC International Film and Video Competition in England, the Brooklyn Arts Council Film and Video Festival, and the University of Cincinnati Film and Video Festival. Gary is currently in production on his next film. FLOSS! A Meditation on the Possibility of Change is the story of how one man comes to grips with dental flossing—and so much more. The film explores the broader topic of how to change old, deeply ingrained habits in our lives by using imagination to overcome cynicism. Using the "floss problem" as a metaphor and microcosmic example, the film looks at how to bridge the gap between intention and action. Gary has been awarded a grant for the production of FLOSS! from the Boston Film/Video Foundation, as part of the Massachusetts Media Fellowship Program. He received a fellowship also from the Djerassi Resident Artists Program in Woodside, California for the month of July, 2002. He will use this time to edit FLOSS! He is writing a book of and about words that will include pun-filled stories, jokes, poems, and essays. Gary was chosen by the Massachusetts Cultural Council to participate in the New England States Touring Program. Non-profit organizations from these states are eligible for artist fee support from the New England Foundation for the Arts. He is also the Senior Interviewer at the Center for Strategy Research, a market research firm in Boston. He is also a frog door stop collecter. *:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'`*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-. ,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'`*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*' This update from Iron Frog Productions is sent 3-4 times a year to those having an interest in or connection to library cats, doorstops, puns, dental floss, filmmaking, stand-up comedy, Oberlin College, the Big Brothers Association, contra dancing, or the Roma family. If you received multiple copies of this email or would like to be removed from this list, please let me know. I'm heading out tomorrow on a Midwestern road trip to complete almost all of the shooting for my dental floss documentary. The ETP (Estimated Time of Premiere) is next spring in Boston. interview dental historians about the history of floss. visit Perry, Ohio to place a strand of floss on the gravestone of Levi Spear Parmly, an apostle of oral hygiene from the early 1800's and one of the first advocates of dental floss. interview the author of an article that appeared in in 1973 entitled, "The Odor Emitted from Dental Floss Used on Flossed Teeth and Non-Flossed Teeth for a One Week Time Period." (In the words of Dave Barry, I'm not making this up.) film a cockatoo from Pittsburgh named Rikki that takes a container of floss, opens it, pulls out a strand, and flosses its beak. interview the winner of a Cheapskate Contest sponsored by the Philadelphia Inquirer who estimates that he saves $5.06 per year by sterilizing his floss and re-using it for two weeks. Here's my show schedule. The show is entitled, Library Cats, Doorstops, Puns & a Strand of Floss. It consists of screenings of my films, Puss in Books: Adventures of the Library Cat Off the Ground & Off the Wall: A Doorstop Documentary. Also, I will be showing clips from the footage I've shot so far for and presenting my stand-up routine. If you live in Michigan, Ohio, or Minnesota, I hope you can make it to one of the shows. Or if you know of anyone who might be interested in attending, please forward this email to them. Thank you! For those of you new to this email list, I was matched up through the Big Brothers Association almost four years ago with a wonderful boy named Brian. The reason we were matched is that he knew when he was eight years old that he wanted to be a filmmaker. We often spend our time together making short films. Brian is a huge fan, so our latest project is a parody called The cast of characters includes Puke Stinkmaker, Soda, Bubba Fat, and C3PU. There are now 518 known library cats in the world: To view photos of the cats or send emails to them, visit the main page or click on the links above. of ghost cat that is haunting a library in Tennessee. to a Canadian library cat named Ariel. of Gizmo, one of the most distinctive looking library cats in America. *:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'`*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-: *'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'`*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'`*:-.,_, .-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'` Here are a few excerpts from my upcoming book of puns: I was going to tell a joke about these two ancient gods, but that's neither Hera nor Thor. What do you get when you cross a ROAD with a BIKE? In the fourth dimension, do children play on see-saw-seens? Nostalgic people gasp for 'ere.

In real life, Stan Kegel has been practicing Pediatrics and Pediatric Cardiology in Orange County, California for 40 years. Born and raised in Los Angeles, he studied Medicine at the University Of California. He then returned to Los Angeles for his post-graduate work at Los Angeles County General Hospital and the UCLA Medical Center. In addition to his medical practice, he has been very active in the community having received the Humanitarian of the Year Award from the National Council of Christians and Jews and Man of the Year of the National Foundation-March of Dimes. He has served as president of the local chapters of the American Heart Association and the Jewish Federation Council. He is the father of five children ranging in age from 14 to 40, and 4 grandchildren. He has always had a love for groaners and shaggy dog tails. About three years ago he subscribed to several joke lists and found them almost devoid of puns. He started posting puns to various joke lists and received great encouragement. Two years ago he was contacted by Mike Avery, the moderator of "Humor from Otherwhen" and was offered a chance to start his own joke list devoted to puns and groaners. Thus was born, "Profusions of Puns, Gaggles of Groaners." Several months later he started the feature, "Puns of the Day." After requests from many who wished to receive this, and not all the groaners, another joke list, "Puns of the Day" was started. He later started a third joke list, "Shaggy-Dog Tails." In addition he has continued sending groaners to multiple joke lists and his weekly feature, "Puns of the Weak" appears in total or in part on over 30 joke lists. He has been an active participant in P. U. N. Y., which he considers as a second family, and is in the Riddle Chain and Pun Loop groups. His puns have been featured in "The Pundit," "The Punster," and "The Pun American Newsletter." He is an Associate Editor of an e-zine, "Desceptacio".

a professional graphic designer, who creates cartoons devoted entirely to visual and verbal puns. His imaginative wordplay comics are intended to tickle the reader's funny bone and titillate his or her intellect. He plays with four characters to create funny setups and deliver the puns. PUN and TOON, along with their female accomplice, Eunice, vaguely resemble nebbishes. Grinny the incorrigible cousin of the Sixties Smile Face, is like an after-dinner mint-- with cayenne! Fellow punster and wordsmith par excellence, Neil Shawen, collaborates with Mack in the creative process. Mack's wife, Annie, also provides funny thoughts and the editorial design. Rowe, resides in a completely round house he designed and built near Madison, VA. "I enjoy making people laugh, or groan, as they suddenly realize the surprise of a pun. The author of PunToons, a hilarious book of puns with toons to match. Here's a "read 'em aloud" example of one of Mack's tunes. (Without the pictures). Pun, Toon, Eunice, and Grinny are talking. The time is January 1 2000! "It's sitting there like a bump analog. "It's been rendered input-ent" A little bird sitting by the computer: "Hi, I'm the tern of the century." "Look for Windows of opportunity." Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!

Gary Mac Hallock was born three days after the fourth of July in 1951. He was the third of four sons born to Enid and Bruce Hallock. The start for Gary was in Grand Prarie, a suburb of Dallas texas. His family did a brief stint near Flint in Michigan but permanently repatriated in Austin in 1957. Gary and his family were well, well you could say it was well travelled. They all got into a 1995 VW microbus and visited Central and South America. This trip took 6 months. Gary says that's where he learned to live on bananas and Orange Crush for days at a time. It would be best if you could hear here from the POTY himself. So, here's Gary. "Due to intensely introspective personality and highly geeky demeanor I authored and edited a weekly poetry newsletter in high school. My graduation in 1969 signalled beginning the obligatory search for myself. I heard a rumor that I was in some other state, as was common of those of my generation. I wrote ,a series of weekly travel articles (Easy Writer) for The Austin American Statesman daily newspaper in the summer of 1970 while driving aimlessly cross countryin the same VW microbus in further futile search of myself. ..." His travels took hom to places lioke Alaska, Florida, New Jersey, and Lukenbach. "( Who says there's no Luchenbach?) I eventually returned to Austin and was amazed to discover that I had been there all along waiting for myself to arrive. At this point I took advantage of my temporary confusion and married my first wife, Christine and commenced to procreate." Over the next ten years Gary authored/edited a monthly newsletter for the Austin Area Beekeeper Association (Beekeeper Briefs) and marketted a line of beekeeper novelties by mail." (ed. note; sounds like a honey of a job but at the same time might have been a sting operation.) Gary has two sons both from his first and only wife. In the early 80's Gary became involved and competed in the O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships. In 1989 he took home the first place trophy and immediately retired from competition. He then formed P.U.N.Y. (Punsters United Nearly Yearly) and became the Pun-Off producer/emcee. He has had this lofty place ever since. In 1991 he began publishing 'Pun Intended', a quarterly newsletter for the Jeering Impaired. What better person to be honored as Punster of the Year, than Gary Mac Hallock.

The tenth annual Save the Pun banquet was held on April Fool's Day 1996. The highlight of the evening is always the naming the Punster of the Year. Joyce Heitler exemplifies all of the characteristics of a very punny person, who has played Den Mother to countless paranomasiacs for the past ten years. She and ISTPF founder John Crosbie started the annual dinners in 1988 and Joyce has carried on the tradition of these looked-forward-to events ever since. She was also the originator of The Punster, a 6 times a year pun-filled newsletter. Joyce is a long time Kindergarten teacher (that's synonymous with Saint), a clown, a comedienne and magician. In her spare time she was able to raise a husband and two children, as well as do volunteer work with the homeless. Joyce did a turn entertaining the excited diners who, ate up her acceptance routine. It was magic and pun filled. " I went to visit a psychic", punned Joyce, "I was given the address of one of the city's foremost mediums. When I got there, I thought she looked like a large." This was just a small sample of the wit and wonder of the POTY 1995. Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!

> Robert W. Boxer, M.D., 1993 Dr. Robert Boxer is a practicing allergist in the Chicago area. He is also a professional cartoon creator. He has collaborated with Darnell Towns, a cartoonist, and many of their "Pun Toons" have been published and appear regularly in the "Main Event". This is the monthly sports journal for physicians. He has published two books (by Punchline Press) first, Boxer's Shorts, more than just a brief attempt at humor" and the second book "Boxer's Shorts, more than just a brief attempt at humor, Round 2". Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!

a.k.a. Swami Beyondananda is the author of, "Driving Your Own Karma/ A tour guide to enlightenment". His syndicated columns, tapes and performances have delighted millions. He says, "Fundamentalism- (where fun comes before da mental) can bring about non judgement day. You can combat tooth decay with mental floss, learn patience with his wait training program, and understand the human urge to have sects." Steve has helped to develop products such as "Damitol", and "Absolutely Nothing". He is a self described seeker, even though he is well aware of Swami's caveat, "There's a seeker born every minute, and two to take him down the path." Steve's path began in Brooklyn New York. It took him to Ann Arbor Michigan and he is now in Santa Cruz with his wife Trudy Lite. He's there because he heard the streets were paved with Granola. Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!

Bob is the creator of the comic strip, "Frank and Earnest", and author of, "Are We There yet?" and "Assemble the Hyenas... I feel a pun coming on." His street corner philosophers have been entertaining millions of newspaper readers throughout thirty countries ever since 1972. His life began in Burt, Iowa and he takes space in California. Unlike what Frank said to Earnest, "Opportunity knocked at my door once, but just to ask for directions." Bob's direction is constantly upwards, and pun words. Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!

Richard is an author, speaker, educator, and master punster. His works include "Get Thee to a Punnery", "Anguished English", "More Anguished English", and most recently, "Pun and Games". He has had some thousands of articles on language published in newspapers across the U.S. and Canada. Dr. Lederer is now living in California. He's known as the "Wizard of Words" in the magazine, "Time Machine". You can visit Richard at his Subject: [puny] Poetry: Homonyms and Heteronyms Date: February 21, 2002 9:32 PM Richard Lederer will be this year's recipient of Toastmasters International's highest award. Here are two of my favorite examples of One night a knight on a hoarse horse This male wore mail for war and would His tale I'll tell from head to tail I'll write his rite up right. A hidden site our hero found, With woe he shouted, "Whoa!" as rain To brake, he pulled the rein, and like A shattered pane, felt pain. The poor knight met a witch, which made He'd never seen a scene like that. His sore heart couldn't soar. Then they a game for truffles played, To prove who was the better bettor And find who should be fined. He won one twice, he won two, too. To wrest the rest, he went for four; Due to her loss, the mourning witch, 'Midst morning mist and dew, Her truffles missed. I know no way, Our knight began to reel, for real. The world whirled so to speak. All the days of the week his sole soul felt Our heir to knighthood gave it up. His wholly holy sword soared up As he threw it through the air. The bell has tolled, I'm told. The hour (From "Word Circus" by Richard Lederer) Please go through the entrance of this little poem. I guarantee it will entrance you. The content will certainly make you content, And the knowledge gained sure will enhance you. A boy moped around when his parents refused The incense he burned did incense him to go On a tear with a tear in his eye. He ragged on his parents, felt they ran him ragged His just deserts they never gave. He imagined them out on some deserts so dry, Where for water they'd search and they'd rave. At present he just won't present or converse On the converse of each high-flown theory Of circles and axes in math class; he has Many axes to grind, isn't cheery. He tried to play baseball, but often skied out, So when the snows came, he just skied. But he then broke a leg putting on his ski boots, And his putting in golf was in need. He once held the lead in a cross country race Till his legs started feeling like lead. And when the pain peaked, he looked kind of peaked His liver felt liver, then dead. A number of times he felt number, all wound Up, like one with a wound, not a wand. His new TV console just couldn't console Or slough off a slough of despond. The rugged boy paced 'round his shaggy rugged room And he spent the whole evening till dawn Evening out the cross-winds of his hate. Now my anecdote winds on and on. He thought: "Does the prancing of so many does Explain why down dove the white dove, Or why pussy cat has a pussy old sore And bass sing in bass notes of their love Do they always sing, "Do re mi" and stare, agape At eros, agape, each minute? Their love's not minute; there's an overage of love. Even overage fish are quite in it. These bass fish have never been in short supply As they supply spawn without waiting. With their love fluids bubbling, abundant, secretive There's many a secretive mating. (From "Crazy English" by Richard Lederer) Rancho Santa Margarita, Calif. - In recognition of his ability and influence as a writer and public speaker, Richard Lederer, Ph. D., of San Diego, Calif., has been selected as the 2002 recipient of Toastmasters International's Golden Dr. Lederer will be presented with the award during a luncheon in his honor on Thursday, Aug. 22, at the San Antonio Marriott Rivercenter in San Antonio, Texas, as part of Toastmasters' 71 st Annual International Convention. The Golden Gavel is the most prestigious award offered by Toastmasters International, a nonprofit, worldwide organization devoted to teaching public speaking skills. The award is presented to a distinguished individual in the fields of communication and leadership. Past recipients include Walter Cronkite, Anthony Robbins, Mark Russell, Art Linkletter, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Robert Schuller, and management experts Tom Peters, Kenneth Blanchard, and Harvey Mackay. Dr. Lederer is the author of more than 3,000 books and articles about language and humor, including his Anguished English series. His syndicated column, "Looking at Language," appears in newspapers and magazines throughout the United States. He appears regularly on the national public radio show "Weekend All Things Considered" and hosts a weekly show, "A Way With Words," on San Diego public radio, where he and his co-host tackle "that glorious, stupendous, tremendous, end-over-endous adventure we call language - from puns to punctuation, pronouns to pronunciation, and diction to dictionaries." Dr. Lederer will appear on national public TV during the PBS March pledge drive. He has been called the Wizard of Idiom, Attila the Pun, Conan the Grammarian, a fly-by-the- roof-of-the-mouth verbivore. Verbivore? Dr. Lederer explains, "Carnivores eat meat, herbivores eat plants and vegetables, and verbivores eat words (sometimes their own) and love to feel the juices coursing down their cheeks." This verbivore not only consumes words; he serves them up as a great feast. Toastmasters International has helped more than four million people develop their communication and leadership skills since the organization's founding in 1924 at the YMCA in Santa Ana, Calif. Today, Toastmasters International has nearly 185,000 members, in 9,000 clubs in 70 countries, including 115 clubs in the San Diego area. For more information about Toastmasters International or Dr. Richard Lederer, please contact Suzanne Frey at (949) 858-8255. The man with the golden pun kicks off writers' convention If you're one of those wiseacres who sit around dreaming up puns (e.g. What do you call an empty hot dog? A hollow weenie), then you're going to love Richard Lederer. And if you can't imagine why any sane person would dwell on this sort of silliness, the keynote speaker for this weekend's Space Coast Writers Guild Convention in Suntree counters that it's a sign of an active mind. "English is the most powerful of all languages," says Lederer from his home in San Diego, "and I can say that with authority, because I'm fluent in French, Russian, Italian, Thousand Islands, Vinaigrette, Ranch, Green Goddess and Honey Mustard. "Our vocabulary is four times bigger than any other language that has ever existed. German is second, and we're six times bigger than Spanish and French, which are tied for third. So when you have more words, by definition, you're going to have more puns, more opportunity for wordplay. It's everywhere. "You can even transpose letters and come away with something recognizable. A sick family is a facsimile, a motion picture is a potion mixture, a ghost town is a toast gown, fan mail is man fail. And you can shift from verbs to nouns without ever changing the word. You walk the walk and talk the talk. Have you ever seen a home run? Or a cigar box?" This is what conference-goers are in for if they attend the guild's Friday night address at Imperial's Hotel & Conference Center, one of Lederer's two workshops on Saturday, or the keynote dinner speech Saturday night. In one of the SCWG's busiest schedules ever, two dozen workshops are on tap, with speakers as disparate as novelist Tim Dorsey, screenplay pitchman extraordinaire Brent Reed, and editor Katy Brogan of Writer's Market. "We're having 24 writers this year, so we'll be running five (scheduling) tracks at one time. Last year, we ran four," says guild president Joyce Henderson, who anticipates weekend attendance in excess of 150 people. "And with Richard highlighting our conference, we think we've got a strong lineup." While conceding the truism that a pun is the lowest form of wit, this Harvard-educated author, columnist, public-radio darling and English teacher of 27 years insists the form is an overlooked medium for recruiting children into a love of the language. In fact, two of his bestsellers, "Anguished English" and "Get Thee To a Punnery," enjoyed such strong readership among middle-schoolers that he decided to write two more books on wordplay devoted solely to that demographic market. "The publishing industry is dominated by (books for) pre-K through the third grade," says Lederer. "There's lots of good literature for kids in the 10-14 age bracket, but not a lot about language. The books that are out there are too young -- too many pictures, and not enough challenging text." So it's no coincidence that Lederer, who taught for nearly three decades at a private school in Concord, N.H., will host Friday morning and afternoon workshops with local seventh- and eighth-grade students and teachers. Furthermore, on Sunday and Monday, he'll be huddling with students at Holy Trinity Episcopal School in Melbourne. No doubt, puns will be at the core of his presentations. "Puns are a part of our folklore, they're a part of our American-ness," says the 65-year-old host of "A Way With Words," a weekly installment for San Diego's KPBS-FM. "If I say to you, 'What's black and white and read all over?' you'll answer 'A newspaper.' Children begin picking that one up at around age 6 or 7. It's usually the introduction to the idea that a single word can have multiple meanings, or at least, a word that sounds the same can. "That's often the beginning of a lifetime of messing around with words. And if you think about it, that's the way poetry works, it's the way literature works, that richness, the extra layers of meaning of words and themes. Puns are a joy. They're what unite us. I'm separated from these kids in Melbourne by time and space, but we are united by the folklore of our language." One of Lederer's proudest achievements, in fact, was being named International Punster of the Year by -- yes, there is such a thing -- the International Save The Puns Foundation, in 1990. The ISTPF was founded in 1979 by the late Canadian John Crosbie, and the self-effacing outfit that claims 1,600 members in North America holds its annual meeting in Chicago on April Fools' Day. Thus, Lederer can talk about homographs (words that differ in meaning but not spelling), spoonerisms (new words formed by swapping first letters) and assorted other etiologies until the cliches come home. He gushes with examples ("Why was Billy embarrassed when he opened the refrigerator? He saw the salad dressing"), images ("The Buddhist never took novocaine while he was in the dentist's chair because he was able to transcend dental medication") and punchlines ("He was a super callous fragile mystic hexed by halitosis"). Lederer's didactic verbiage rains in torrents. You probably never knew, for instance, that if you cross a gorilla with a ceramics craftsman, you get a hairy potter. Or what about the time two ropes went into a tavern and encountered a hostile bartender? The bartender asked the first one if he was a rope, then tossed the honest rope into the street when he replied yes. The second rope tried to disguise himself by ruffling up his ends. When the bartender asked, "Are you one'a them ropes, too?" the rope replied, "I'm a frayed knot." "My favorite spoonerism came from Dorothy Parker, who said, 'I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.' I consider that to be the greatest pun of the 20th century," says Lederer, who's surprised when he doesn't see media headlines picking up on obvious puns. Take the capture of Saddam Hussein. "When we found this guy, he was our ace in the hole. I mean literally, because he was our ace of spades. . . . You can't shut this stuff off once it starts. I can't help it." Although Lederer isn't pleased with America's current state of literacy, he says the pun is helping to stop the slide (witness the wordplay on late-night talk shows, and the growing popularity of crossword puzzles). He also thinks computers are responsible for encouraging "more (e-mail) letters than we've ever written before. Yes, it has its own shorthand and lower case, a lot of btws and fyis and lols, but we are writing more and some of it's pretty good." Being the International Punster of the Year is a far cry from Lederer's college days as a pre-med student, when he went off the rails after discovering he was reading chemistry books for their literary value. And it's far too late to change course now. "To conclude this interview, as one frog said to the other, time's fun when you're having flies." Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!

Joel is the director of "The Humor Project", editor of the magazine,"Laughing Matter" and was described by the New Age Journal as the only full-time humour educator in the country. An inveterate and able creator of puns, Joel is the author of many books . He says when he sees a computer, he feels "write a tome." Want to nominate your own favourite punster? their name, address and other vital numbers today!