2003Pun archives
2003's 10 Best
Each year the International Save the Pun Foundation publishes the puns that have been voted on by its membership as the Ten Best Stressed Puns. In the Pundit, the official newsletter of the 'ISTPF', which is issued monthly, there appear the puns that the members of the organization submit for entry into the world of word play. It is from these submissions that the Ten Best are chosen and sent around the world in this annual news release. You may keep, photocopy, duplicate, imitate, adopt, mimic, send, forward, advance, deliver, or what ever it is you wish to do with these. Just so that all of you who have received this news release can share it with your friends relatives and any other pun lovers that you may wish to either cheer up or jeer up, your choice. The copy right for these just never seemed write. So sit back, put your puns on and enjoy the 10 Best Stressed Puns of 2003. Did you hear about the veterinarian who was barred from performing
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
ASK THE PUNMEISTER
This year will be my first time to enter the Pun-off. I have a couple of questions about Punniest of Show: 1) Can contestants wear disguises and/or goofy clothes? 2) Do we have to commit our two minutes [90 seconds] of punning to memory, or may Name withheld to protect the nervous, 1. - Yes, this is encouraged, appreciated and often rewarded.
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
Ask the PUNMEISTER
This year will be my first time to enter the Pun-off. I have a couple of questions about Punniest of Show: 1) Can contestants wear disguises and/or goofy clothes? 2) Do we have to commit our two minutes [90 seconds] of punning to memory, or may Name withheld to protect the nervous, 1. - Yes, this is encouraged, appreciated and often rewarded.
Read archived page ↗2004Best-Stressed Puns
2004's 10 Best Stressed
On this day, January 1, 2005, as on every New Year's Day brings you the results of the voting of its members on the choices of the best puns of the year. (2004) There are three kinds of people, those that can count and Bearing this rule in mind we role out the International Save There is no order ranking these puns but you will notice
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
TODAY'S PUN
TODAY'S PUN O.HENRYPUN-OFF 2008 TODAY'S PUN PUNS FROM THE PASSED PUN ARK HIVES PUN-OFF ARK HIVES P.U.N.Y. (Punsters United Nearly Yearly) HALLOCK'S PAGES O. HENRY PUN-OFF 2007 O.HENRY PUN-OFF 2006 O.HENRY PUN-OFF 2005 O.HENRY PUN-OFF 2004 THE PUNDIT LYNX TO PUN PLACES 10 BEST STRESSED PUNS CHIASMUS PUNNED HAIKU BECOME A MEMBER SHARE YOUR PUNS PUNDITS OF 2002 PUNSTERS OF THE YEAR I.S.T.P.F. THE PUN, a daffynition THE BOOKSHELF THE ISTPF, history RIDDLES PUNTOONS FANTASIE IMPROBABLE TODAY'S PUN Bi
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
Best of the Millenium
The Best Stressed Puns of the Millennium. Sharpen your pun cells, O pun pals. Let's get to wit: How can I use a lighthouse, a rose trellis a windstorm and a dune in a tasteful punecdote? The answer: "HOW ABOUT A BEACON LATTICE AND TORNADO SAND RIDGE?" A herring who for many years swam along with a friendly whale showed up one day without his companion. When asked where the whale was, the herring replied, "How would I know? AM I MY BLUBBER'S KIPPER? Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
TODAY'S PUN
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
YES TODAY'S FUN
For treasons important only to the staff at the O.Henry Museum, the date for the 2010 Pun-Off has been set for date that you may have earlier heard me mention was merely conjecture. In case anyone has been keeping track, our traditional date was, for the longest time, the first weekend of May. I believe it was in 2001 when we switched to Saturdays instead of Sundays. For the past 6 or 7
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
PUNS FROM THE PASSED
There should be a cap on rates and debt management taught in schools. Now that would be in everyone's best interest... Kenny Kramer -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry. -- The art of buying low and selling lower. -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
PUN ARK HIVES
Three Male Dogs (from an email from Patricia) Three handsome dogs are walking down the street. hey see a very beautiful, enticing, Poodle. The three dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, 'The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.' The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, 'I love liver and cheese.' 'Oh, how childish,' said the Poodle. 'That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.'
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
Pun Archives
Have you ever thought of occupational collective nouns? For example: Today's Stock Market Report presented by Dave Tozier: Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
Read archived page ↗LegacyRiddles
RIDDLES
Test your knowledge of Geography putting one of the words listed below into each blank. 1. A Geography cliche: ____________ loves company. 2. "Your Citroen will be ready next week." "No, that is ____________ 3. A ____________ girl may often become husband and wife. 4. S & M Geography style: Don't tie two knots, just ____________.
Read archived page ↗LegacyChiasmus
CHIASMUS
this book is better than two double ardy Grothe is a man on a mission. His goal is to bring the word (ky-AZ-mus) out of the closet of obscurity and into the world of popular usage. If there's a precedent for what he's trying to do, it's , a once-obscure word that is now known by almost all literate English speakers. Grothe stumbled upon the word nearly ten years ago and has spent the greater part of the past decade in the grip of this fascinating literary and rhetorical device. He's fond of saying, "I didn't just get into chiasmus, chiasmus also got into me." is his first word and language book, after co-authoring three well-regarded business books.
Read archived page ↗LegacyPunned haiku
PUNNED HAIKU
Gary Hallock says Limeraiku rhymes like a limerick with the meter of haiku Here are 16 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan, where they are written in Haiku. Aren't these better than, "your computer has performed an illegal operation"? -------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
Norman's favourite old puns
N stands for No F stands for Freakin' and G stands for good. Do you remember the Haifa lootin' flutin' tootin' son of a nun from Barcelona part time pough boy Joe. There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through . Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
Blonde Jokes
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
page is a new try
page is a new try Today's Pun This week's puns Chiasmas Haiku P.U.N.Y. Become a member Membership requests Share your puns Pun Archives Free copies Punsters of the year The pundit International Save the Pun Foundation The pun The bookshelf History Riddles Political Satire Norman's favourite old puns Blonde Jokes New blue page page is a new try PunPunPun.com > New blue page > page is a new try of mice and men Copyright ©2000-2003 PunPunPun.com. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy
Read archived page ↗LegacyPunToons
PUNTOONS
our PunToons characters in a cup of coffee. This 'TOON shows the the group in a coffe cup like a hot tub. Order the Book on www.1stbooks.com. Select humor books; key Rowe as author. Laughter is good for your health -- yes? Yes! Your can humor yourself as a powerful way to reduce stress in your life. Cartoonist, humorist, and 1999 Punster of The Year Mack Rowe gives fun presentations to groups of all kinds on the importance of healthful laughing. Have him entertain your group. He'll get you laughing for no reason! Contact him for more info and materials: mrowe@ns.gemlink.com or 540-948-3933. "As we need to eat, we also need to laugh -- everyday!"
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
FANTASIE IMPROBABLE ( the Musical)
> FANTASIE IMPROBABLE ( the Musical) Joe, a musician just released from Sing-Sing went fishing one morning. By evening he still had no fish, so he walked a few meters closer to the water, hoping to catch some bass soon. Unfortunately he fell into the pond and got tangled in the reeds. A passing lawyer saw him, and wanting to drum up some business, flute to his rescue. Joe thanked him, but when the lawyer tried to sound him out about a lawsuit, Joe was furioso.
Read archived page ↗LegacyBest-Stressed Puns
10 BEST STRESSED PUNS '97 - Present
10 BEST STRESSED PUNS '97 - Present > 10 BEST STRESSED PUNS '97 - Present Inside 10 BEST STRESSED PUNS '97 - Present The nominations for the Ten Best Stressed Puns of 1997 have poured into the post office box of the ISTPF. They have been tabulated and counted. Much time has been spent in putting together this most
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
NEWS OF PUN-FILLED EVENTS
O.HENRY'S ROLLING STONES GATHER TO LODE PUNS OF MOSS DESTRUCTION On Saturday, May 3, 2003, The 26th Annual O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships will ROCK on as unusual at Wooldridge Square Park in downtown Austin. Unless you enjoy living under a rock you SHALE certainly benefit from this MINER conflict of interest. O.Henry's HARD CORE of punslingers are now wielding puns of mass distraction and won't be stopped until they reach their GOLDS. They certainly won't MINE if you stay the SHAFT-ernoon to watch this HOLE MOTHER These clever gals and GEYSER DRILLING year-round, and now are OIL WELL prepared to step up to the MICA-phone ANTHRACITE their witty wordplay. The PEBBLE of central Texas have groan fond of watching these "butchers of bad gags" outstanding in their FELDSPARING and making their QUARRY SULPHUR. These women and MINERAL good at what they do, and when push comes to SHOVEL move heaven ORE EARTH to improve their social STRATUMS.
Read archived page ↗2002Pun archives
2002's 10 Best
THE INTERNATIONAL SAVE THE PUN FOUNDATION brings you, FOR A MEDIA RELIEF (As in press and release) the The Ten BestStressed Puns of 2002 which have just been announced by Norman Gilbert, the Chairman of the Bored of this the world's largest apocryphal society. So many entries were nominated this, the twentieth year of selection, that they had to be stored in two bins; The "MIGHT HAVE BIN" and the "HAS BIN." This gaggle of daffynitions qualifies as one of the in ten did: Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official. Lambshades: Sunglasses for young sheep. Cleavage: Something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Read archived page ↗2001Pun archives
2001's 10 Best
To be communicated on January I't 2002. For more information email us at We continue our work to overcome ill literacy. We are delighted by the growing worldwide support for the efforts made by the members of the world's largest and fastest growing apocryphal society, to increase the interest in reading by spreading the pleasure of wordplay through its monthly newsletter, "The Pundit". The members of the ISTPF chose these, the 10 best‑stressed puns for 2001. One member replied, when asked for her choices for the top 10, replied, "It's like asking me to pick a favorite child." So, here they are. Not necessarily in order of best to last but by number 1 to number 10. (Keep in mind that there are three kinds of people, those that can count, and those that can't.) Why shouldn't we tax people on the basis of how much money they have? I've often heard that the basis are loaded. We have all become accustomed to the conveniences of a modern bank. While there have been moneylenders throughout the ages, full service banks are a relatively new phenomenon. Molan Cache is usually considered the man who developed modern banking, as we know it today. He enlisted the aid of Tomas Benes, the Count of and chief financial advisor of King Charles H. The two were able to convince the Bohemian monarch to finance this new experiment in banking. So really, ... credit should go to a Czech king, a count and Cache.
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
thisweek
Upon entering his urologist's office the doctor asked, A vertically challenged person walks into a department store and asks, "Where are the Christmas items?" They have just discovered a never released silent film with a big star in the story of an Indian war. Buster Keaton stars in Custer Beaten. A Yiddish folk tale is about a picnic at a nudist kibbutz, it's titled In the October 2001 Pundit we will review a new book by Mack Rowe, past Punster of the year and Neil Shawen, the wordst punster on the planet.
Read archived page ↗LegacyPun archives
Punpunpun.com
I went to the drag races yesterday, but apparently they were influenced by the straight track, because not a single driver Do you have any puns that you may like to share with the membership? Please send them to us at punpunpun@rogers.com You can send them to the ISTPF at our email place i.e.,
Read archived page ↗ 